


If I Fall

by morganoconner



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-09
Updated: 2010-09-13
Packaged: 2017-10-18 08:30:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/186946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morganoconner/pseuds/morganoconner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared finds himself in too deep, and then discovers he’s maybe not the only one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. If I Fall

It’s not until Richard walks onto the set for the third episode of the new season that Jared realizes that he thought he’d never see the man again. And it’s not until Richard turns that too-bright smile on him, tossing out a friendly wave, that he understands just how much he hated the idea.

But by the time he comes to both of these conclusions, he’s already in far too deep to have any hope of pulling himself out and away.

Somehow, he knows, this is going to end messy for him.

~*~

The episode they’re filming is a demanding one, emotionally. It’s an episode about family, and about reuniting with lost brothers. Sam finally works up the courage to go to Dean, to explain where he’s been and what he’s gone through, and meanwhile, Castiel finds Gabriel, who’s been brought back to life by God.

It’s the episode that’s supposed to set up the rest of the season, and it’s _grueling_. Jared’s usually pretty good at not bringing his work home with him…he’s got a million methods to get himself out of Sam’s headspace before even getting into the car with Jensen, and they’ve never failed him before.

But for some reason, none of them have been working now, and for two days, Jared’s gone home and all but collapsed into bed, worn out and exhausted and drained in every possible way.

The one thing he thinks might be good about it is that it’s left him very little time to actually talk with Richard. They haven’t done any of the actual filming together, since in the current arc, Dean and Sam are half a world away from Gabriel and Castiel. That’ll change soon enough, but for now it means that Jared hasn’t had a chance to stick his foot in his mouth or do something particularly stupid.

He’s pathetically grateful.

What he’s _not_ pathetically grateful for – in the sense that he really actually is but refuses to admit it to anyone including himself – is that they just got word that Richard’s going to be a series regular from this point on, contracted for almost as many episodes as Misha. Just one more way in which this current episode is supposed to be a turning point, and something that means Jared is probably going to have a lot of chances to make up for the lack of time he’s spent with the man so far.

A lot of chances to properly make an idiot of himself.

~*~

He shouldn’t be here.

It’s not often Jared gets a day off where he has nothing at all going on and he can just relax. Finding himself back on the set when he’s not supposed to be there should horrify him in ways currently undefined by man, but somehow, being here now, watching Misha and Richard as they bulldoze their way through the most emotionally charged scene in the episode…he can’t regret it.

It’s late summer, and for once the weather in Vancouver reflects the season. The sun is high overhead, a warm breeze barely stirring the air, the perfect day to be doing a thousand other things, but somehow Jared can’t think of anything he’d rather be doing than standing off to the sidelines, watching Richard hit every line flawlessly.

He needs to stop this. He _knows_ he needs to stop this before it goes to far, hurts too much. It’s like watching a train wreck, only he’s stuck on the damned train with no way to get off, and if he keeps going like this…

_It’s gonna end bloody for all of us._

He turns away as the line comes to him, pulled from the archives of his memory unwillingly, and he forces himself three full steps back as his hands clench.

What the hell is he doing here?

He’s just about to head back to the lot, get in his car and find the first available bar to get plastered in, when one of the sound guys spots him. Devon, he thinks his name is, and he seems pretty excited. He asks Jared if, since he’s there anyway, he would mind going over a few things from the takes they got of him and Jensen yesterday.

Jared puts on a smile, says sure, of course, why not?

It’s not like he has anywhere he’d rather be.

~*~

Jensen calls him and chews him out for being an idiot halfway through the day. Jared can’t say he’s surprised…his best friend isn’t stupid, and he knows Jared’s been weird the last few days. But it makes him surprisingly unwilling to go home and face the music. Usually, Jensen’s the one that avoids problems, ignores the stuff he knows they should talk about, and Jared’s the one always ready to blurt out any little thing that’s bothering him.

But this…this just doesn’t feel like something he’s ready to share with Jensen yet, and going home means he’s going to have to do exactly that. So instead, when he’s finished up with Devon and the other sound techs, he silences his phone and heads toward his trailer, figuring he can catch up on a few hours of sleep there and sneak into the house later when Jensen is out with Misha.

He’s exhausted, in just about every way it’s possible for someone to be exhausted, and maybe that’s why it takes him a few minutes to notice something’s off in his trailer.

Namely, there’s someone already in it. Sleeping. On his bed.

He double-checks, because hell, it’s possible he walked into the wrong trailer. They all look the same, and when he’s tired enough that he thinks he should be seeing double, it wouldn’t surprise him. But no, it’s definitely his trailer, with his name on it and everything.

And there’s still someone in his bed.

He steps forward, ready to shake them awake and figure out just what the hell they’re doing when he catches sight of the jacket lying on the floor.

 _Gabriel’s_ jacket.

Which means the person in the bed…

It’s too much for his overtired brain to deal with, after all the angsting he’s done between the episode and his thoughts about Richard himself. He toes his shoes off and stumbles forward, leaning over the bed, drinking in the sight of Richard curled up on top of the covers. _His_ covers.

 _His_ bed, and God, the things his brain puts together at _that_ thought.

He intends just to sit down, just for a second, just to imagine…but somehow, between one blink and the next, he finds himself lying next to his co-worker, tentatively reaching out, curling one hand over Richard’s hip and pulling him closer…

Jared is asleep within moments.

~*~

When he wakes up, he’s on his back, and there’s a solid weight draped across his chest, held securely in place by his arm, which has apparently refused to let go of Richard in the interim between falling asleep and now. He swallows, not wanting to open his eyes, because opening his eyes will mean facing the man in question, and Jared’s pretty content pretending this is a dream right now. Richard is warm, and he fits like he belongs right here in Jared’s arms, and Jared doesn’t want to give that up, not for anything.

But one of Richard’s hands is moving, sliding down his chest, and the smaller man is stirring awake in his arms, and he forces himself to open his eyes and face whatever it is that’s coming.

The first thing he sees is that Richard’s _already_ awake…awake and looking at Jared from where his chin is propped on Jared’s chest, smiling a tiny smile that could mean a thousand different things while his eyes sparkle with warmth. Every part of Jared longs for that smile to belong to him completely, for those eyes to hold that particular warmth for him only.

“Richard –”

Richard reaches up, places a finger against Jared’s mouth, quieting him, before he props himself up, holding himself above Jared and gazing down at him with those eyes that have somehow gotten even brighter. Jared’s mind is rushing around in a hundred different directions, most of them panicked, but when Richard leans down and kisses him, everything in his head goes blessedly silent, and the only thought he has is the burning need to be closer, _now_.

He wraps his arms around Richard, pulls him on top of him, licks his way into Richard’s mouth and gasps when Richard allows it, _welcomes_ it, meets every swipe of Jared’s tongue with his own until they’re tangled together, exploring each other’s mouths hungrily, _greedily_ , like they can’t possibly get enough.

It’s _not_ enough.

Clothing starts to vanish a piece at a time, as fast as they can get it off of each other, shifting and shoving and sliding back together in between every tossed article, mouths slotting like they were made to fit together, and finally there are no barriers between them. Jared isn’t sure which one of them moans at the first slide of skin on skin, but Richard’s forehead is pressed against his, and the smaller man is panting raggedly as Jared lets his legs fall open, brings his knees up in invitation.

Richard doesn’t ask if he’s sure. When he lifts his head, his hazel-amber eyes search Jared’s for a long moment, until, satisfied, he’s suddenly diving for Gabriel’s jacket. When he retrieves a condom and lube from the inner pocket with a wicked grin, Jared laughs helplessly, and then Richard’s kissing him again, kissing like his life depends on it, like Jared is the air he needs to breathe.

Jared is so lost in the slip-slide of mouths pressed together that he almost doesn’t hear the crinkle of foil being torn, the pop of the bottle cap being opened.

He does feel when one slicked finger presses lightly at his entrance, though. When it slides in, slowly, so damn slowly, he makes a sound deep in the back of his throat, lets it be swallowed by Richard, who smiles against Jared’s mouth as he crooks the finger he currently has shoved deep inside the younger actor. Jared gasps, breaks away from Richard’s mouth to let his head fall back against the pillow as Richard slides another finger in beside the first, begins to scissor them, widening his entrance.

“You want me, Jay?”

They’re the first words Richard has spoken to him all day…practically the first words he’s spoken to Jared since arriving in Vancouver earlier this week. And all Jared can do is nod, begging Richard with his eyes to just _take him_ already.

“ _Please_ ,” he manages to whisper, his voice desperate and broken apart.

It’s the answer Richard’s been waiting for, because his grin is wide and his eyes are bright when he leans forward to kiss Jared again, quick and easy, almost _playful_ , before he’s moving back down, spreading Jared’s knees wider before guiding himself to the entrance he’s so carefully prepared. He meets Jared’s eyes again as he slides in, one easy shove that knocks the breath from Jared’s lungs and has him seeing stars in Richard’s eyes.

“All right?” Richard asks, his breathing uneven as he grabs desperately at Jared’s hips.

“ _Move_ , damn it,” the younger man replies, and he’s _laughing_ , breathless and exhilarated and so fucking in love he doesn’t know what to do with it, doesn’t know how to not feel it or acknowledge it or _revel_ in it. He shoves himself down further onto Richard’s cock to stop himself from saying something he doesn’t want to regret, lets his head fall back again when Richard’s eyes close and he moans, moving helplessly, hips pumping now, faster with every shove.

Jared takes it, takes all of it, wants more, can’t possibly get enough, and Richard gives it to him every time he silently begs, gives him more than he should be able to stand and then _keeps_ giving. Every thrust sends sparks of sensation skittering up and down Jared’s spine, has him crying out, flashes of light dancing behind his eyes, and when Richard’s hand moves, finds Jared’s cock where it lies hard and aching against his stomach, he’s coming before the actor can even get a decent grip on him, pulsing white hot streaks between Richard’s fingers, breath falling out of him in shuddering gasps.

He tightens reflexively around Richard’s cock, and that’s all it takes before he feels one more deep shove, and Richard is emptying inside of him, falling forward onto Jared’s chest as he follows Jared over the edge.

In the aftermath, there is the beautiful sound of Richard’s breathing as it slowly evens out, as he curls himself further into Jared, not pulling out, not yet, and Jared wraps his arms around the smaller man and doesn’t stop himself from drifting back into slumber.

~*~

The next time he wakes, there’s no sign that Richard was ever there except for the smell of sex lingering in the air, and the note that’s been folded and carefully wedged into his hand:

_Had to get back to work, and you were sleeping so deeply you were talking._

_And on that note…_

_Yeah. Me too, Jay._

_I was going to apologize for crashing in your trailer like the love-sick idiot I am, but all things considered, I guess I’d rather not._

_I’ll pick you up for dinner tonight? :)_

_♥,_

_R_


	2. Please Catch Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared thinks it should be awkward. But somehow, it’s really not.

It should be awkward. Three days ago – hell, _this morning_ – Jared was carefully avoiding Richard, barely willing to so much as give him a wave when they passed each other on the lot, and they hadn’t even really talked as friends in months.

And now…now Richard knows Jared’s in love with him, and beyond that, Richard somehow _feels the same way_. But they still only have one crazy, intense, lust-filled afternoon between them, and it shouldn’t be this easy to sit across from the man and strike up a casual conversation over dessert.

It _shouldn’t_ be this easy. But somehow it _is_.

Richard’s grinning around a forkful of chocolate mousse, his eyes sparkling as Jared tells him about the latest Ackles-Padalecki prank war, and Jared’s caught by the knowledge that this, right here, is everything he never realized he always wanted.

They haven’t talked about it. Not yet. Neither has mentioned the note Richard left him while he was asleep, or the words Jared spoke while he was dreaming. They both _know_ , and they both must know they’re going to _need_ to talk about it. But right now, neither is willing to.

They’re on their first date, they’re both helplessly in love with each other, and they had the most amazing sex of Jared’s life six hours earlier.

Jared’s always thought of himself as slightly backwards-thinking about some things, but this might be taking it over the top. Just a little.

Richard’s grinning at him, and Jared abruptly realizes he trailed off somewhere between Jensen dyeing the dogs green and now, and he flushes, his eyes sliding down to the table.

“Hey,” Richard says, reaching across and tilting Jared’s head back up, his thumb stroking Jared’s chin softly. “You wanna get out of here?”

Jared swallows, nods, and waves for the check.

~*~

Richard’s in the process of looking for an apartment, now that he knows he’s going to be in Vancouver for at least the rest of the season, but for now he’s still at the hotel, so that’s where they go. Neither is quite up to dealing with what they’re going to find waiting for them at the house Jared and Jensen share, and since Jared’s had his phone turned off all day, it’s a safe bet that Jensen’s foaming at the mouth to figure out what the hell’s going on.

Jared isn’t willing to discuss that with Jensen until he’s discussed it with Richard first. He’s going to do _something_ here in the proper order if it damn well kills him.

The hotel room is nothing extravagant, but it’s comfortable enough, and Richard quirks a grin at Jared as he flicks the lights on and throws his jacket over the back of a chair. Jared smiles back and takes a hesitant seat on the very edge of the bed, trying not to show how nervous he is. Honestly, they’re _past_ all the stuff that should be the hardest, aren’t they? What does he have to be nervous about?

Richard stays standing, leaning back against the dresser directly across from Jared and folding his arms as he gazes speculatively at the younger man. “So,” he says, not exactly eloquently.

Jared’s lips twitch. “So,” he responds.

There’s a gleam in Richard’s eye that Jared sort of really wants to explore, and he tilts his head and says, “So I really just want to ravish you right now, but I’m guessing we should probably talk first, huh?”

Jared goes warm all over, and he huffs out a breathless sound of laughter. “Probably,” he agrees, although he kind of wishes Richard would go with his first inclination instead.

Richard’s eyes are soft, his voice softer as he asks, “How long, Jay?”

 _Forever_ , Jared thinks, and he swallows hard at the thought, at the idea that it really is Richard he’s been waiting for... “I don’t know,” he answers, more honestly, after a long moment. “I just…you came back on set for the season, and I saw you, and it just sort of…hit me, all at once. I didn’t…” He swallows again, his mouth too dry as he tries and fails to hold Richard’s gaze. “What about you?” he asks quietly.

Richard is silent for a long time, long enough that Jared chances looking up at him again. He’s surprised to find that it’s Richard looking away now, Richard who’s face is flushed. “First day I met you,” he finally mumbles.

“What, really?” Jared asks, shocked. Because, _really?_ All that time…

Richard gives him a nearly imperceptible smile, full of something decidedly self-deprecating. “Yeah, I was kinda surprised by it too, let me tell you. Not least of which was because you were about a decade too young for me. Felt like all kinds of _dirty old man_ the entire week we were shooting.” He scrubs a hand down his face. “Came back, and it hadn’t gone away, and I figured out the best ways to ignore it. Got harder the more I saw you.”

“I…” Jared stops, blinks, tries again. “Jesus, Rich.” He’s standing, crossing over to the smaller man before his brain has fully caught up. But it doesn’t matter because by then, Richard’s in his arms, Richard’s mouth is on his, and all he cares about is that somehow, by some miracle, they finally made it here _now_. He pulls away just long enough to whisper, “I’m pretty down with the idea of that ravishing now.”

Richard groans, and then proceeds to spend the next stretch of time doing just that.

~*~

They spend the night drowning in each other, learning each other over and over and over again, taking each other to heights unimagined and never, never falling back down again. They order room service sometime in the middle of the night, and devour the meal in bed before turning back to start all over.

In between the touches and the heat and the soft sighs of pleasure, they press close together and murmur secrets in each other’s ears, learning each other in different ways. They have enough history as friends to laugh at old memories, but it’s more fun learning the things they didn’t know, and they both relish it.

And if every moment makes Jared fall that much harder, he discovers he doesn’t mind so much, because Richard is right there with him.

It’s morning, or something close to it, when Richard leans close and whispers the words in his ear, telling Jared outright that he loves him for the first time. Jared’s heart leaps, and he turns to look the older man in the eyes before repeating those words back, meaning them more than he thinks he’s ever meant anything in his life, and then they’re coming together once more, basking in something so far beyond what either of them ever hoped for or expected.

~*~

It’s the hotel room’s phone ringing that wakes them, much later. The sun is at its zenith by then, and Jared’s stomach is rumbling when he glances over at the clock. Beside him, Richard stirs and grumbles under his breath, and Jared can’t help the soppy grin from sliding over his face as he leans down to kiss him.

“Mornin’” he drawls, and wow, he must be more relaxed than he realized to be letting that little bit of Texas into his voice. He laughs when Richard growls and tries to tug him back down as he reaches for the phone. Ignores Richard’s pout when he presses it to the older man’s ear.

Richard sighs a “Yeah?” into the receiver, winces when he’s bombarded by a loud voice on the other end. “S’for you,” he says after a long moment, holding the phone out to Jared.

“Hey, Jen,” Jared says, because really, who else could it be?

“You’re a rat bastard, Padalecki,” Jensen mutters. “Next time, turn your phone on at some point so your best friend doesn’t worry about you. Asshole. Also, it’s about damn time.”

Jared doesn’t blush, but it’s a close thing. “Aww, love you too, Ackles.” He grins. “See you on set.”

“Yeah, yeah.” There’s a click, and Jared reaches across Richard again to hang up. This time, Richard succeeds in tugging him back down, and they sprawl together in a tangle of loose limbs and nuzzling kisses and bright laughter.

Jared’s never been happier than he is in this moment. They’ll take it one day at a time now, and it will probably continue to be just as hopeless and backwards as it’s already been, but he has a feeling it’ll be worth every second.


End file.
